30 Things I’ve learnt – Part V

So this one is definitely from experience. It may not apply to all, but I’m sure it will ring true with a few.

When you think you’ve had enough to drink, you’ve already had too much.

You know the scene. You’ve had a couple of (ok, a few. Ok, lots, stop with the assumptions now, alright?!) drinks, at a party, in the pub, on your own at night with the curtains drawn, wondering what happened to your life, when you realise that your head is a little wobbly. Or your legs aren’t quite taking you in the direction your head had in mind (‘head’ had ‘in mind’, geddit?! I’m here all week).

So, anyway, you’re in that place. You think that now would be a good time to get a glass of water and perhaps retire for the evening. It doesn’t really matter from that point on. Whether you ever get to the tap, or get distracted by the shiny cans in the fridge on the way, it’s too late. The stuff you’ve just drunk probably won’t have made it to your bloodstream yet, so you’re only going to get drunker.

From here on in it’s anyone’s guess as to whether you just wake up with a worse hangover than planned, recall having an argument over something trivial or wake up, with no recollection of having travelled there, in Newport.

The trick is to identify the point, roughly 2 pints previously, at which you were merely merry and enjoying the party. I’m fairly sure there’s a Nobel prize available for the person who discovers how to do this.

I’m just glad nobody used Facebook when I was in university. Any future employers, please be assured that I was thoroughly respectable and virtuous at all times. Phew.


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